What to do when Life has you by the throat...

Everyone has ups and downs in their life. The down times always seem to come at the worst possible moment, but the truth is, there is never a good time for being down. Being down summed up in two words - it sucks! The thing we tend to forget during this down time is that we are learning valuable lessons. We are learning about ourselves and we are growing stronger. We don't realize it at the time because we feel so absolutely miserable. This has been my life for the last 16 months or so. I keep wondering, "when will it end?" and "will I ever see the light of day at the end of the tunnel...oh wait, there's some light...oooooooh, never mind...that's a train and I'm about to get run over again."

   I have undoubtably been in the most lonely time of my life. Not to say that I don't have friends, because I do. But at the end of the day, when you're sitting at home, wishing there was someone there with you to laugh over the day's events or discuss your plans for the future, and you realize that you have several hours before you should go to bed, otherwise you'll be up at three in the morning...that's when life is at its loneliest.

   There have been some significant changes in my life the last 16 months. I made a decision to go back to school. It wasn't an easy decision, but when trying to apply for jobs and realizing that most companies are requiring at least a 2 year degree, I realized it was time to get back in the game. So now I'm all in...and headed for a Masters degree with the aim of becoming a librarian...It may sound dull to most of my readers...(all two of them), but the excitement in learning and having knowledge at my fingertips to share with others, that just gets me excited. I am fully living on my own, as well. I was sharing an apartment with my brother for a few months before he got married. Now I have my own space, and it's nice not having to check in with anyone before I decide to go out at midnight or something...Not all the changes have been bad...I've made new friends and I've lost some others that needed to go.

   I realized in the process of all this, that I hold on to the past way too much. Every few months, I try to clean out and go through my belongings...I'm starting to realize just how much junk I have, emotionally and physically. While the physical junk is easy to take care of, it's much harder to wade through the emotional junk and pitch the bad memories and forgive myself for mistakes made and move on. Basically, I'm experiencing a catharsis. I'm removing the junk from the past and opening myself up and making room for all the wonderful things that are in my future. I'm learning to face what scares me and work through it. Being lonely is just the fear I'm facing now. I'm learning to be comfortable with myself, all by myself. If I can't accept me for me, then how can I expect to be comfortable with myself and someone else? Maybe I've focused too much on the others in my life and now it's my turn to focus on myself and my emotional wellbeing. No matter what the case may be, in the end, I will be a better, stronger person who has a greater capacity to love, understand, and forgive. There's always something we must face, and if we can face ourselves with honesty, we can face anything life throws at us.

I will end with a few quotes that have really meant a lot to me over the years...

"Sometime's the unexplained can define you..." line from "Hanging By a Thread" by Nickel Creek

"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." ~ Victor Frankl

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Redmoon

"Work hard to improve your mind and body. Nourish your spirit. Do the things you fear." ~ Robin S. Sharma

"To be happy, it first takes being comfortable in your own shoes. The rest can work up from there." ~ Sophia Bush

"Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror." ~ Byrd Baggett